i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
