I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
