So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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