pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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