Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
