Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
