you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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