I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
