what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
