I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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