I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
