his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
