4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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