Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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