We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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