White coat. Heels.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
