I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
