she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
