you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
