i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
