1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
