I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
