Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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