You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
