And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
