just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
