Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
