Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
