There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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