i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
