Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
