Can i not drive my cunt home
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
