Its about making memories worth repressing
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
