All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize