we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
