U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
