yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
