You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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