R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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