is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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