I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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