Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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