I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
