I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
