My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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