you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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