I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
