You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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