I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
