I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
