I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did you pee in the oven last night??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
