Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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