if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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