It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
