I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
