i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My ass is underappreciated
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
