Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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