He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
