I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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