Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Green mimosas i think yes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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