So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
