Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
