Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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