Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
