Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
