i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
