I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
