I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have feelings that need drinking.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Success! We fucked roommates!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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