Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
