I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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