it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
