you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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