is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
