Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
