Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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