I can text with my tongue
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
