she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
