your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
