He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
