Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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