fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
