It's just like the Real World with babies
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
