Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize