Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
