Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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