Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
