I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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