I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
