You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
