you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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