Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
