Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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