Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
