Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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