you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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