connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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