i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
