Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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